Static Caravan Owners Advice Forum | Sales | Rental | Sublet

 

About Supporting Members FUP (Please Read) The GoStatic Reference Hub
Go Back   Static Caravan Owners Advice Forum | Sales | Rental | Sublet > The Lounge > General Discussion

General Discussion General non-caravan related discussion

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #11  
Old 11-03-2011, 10:46
Bobsnobs Bobsnobs is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,131
Send a message via MSN to Bobsnobs Send a message via Skype™ to Bobsnobs
Default I want to buy that

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
__________________
Bobsnobs
Mod Team
Reply With Quote

  #12  
Old 11-03-2011, 11:55
Karen11048's Avatar
Karen11048 Karen11048 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 939
Default

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer.

After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said,
"Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces,
"Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, "I do. What is wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy says to him, "Nothing much, I just wanted you to know -
you left your Injun running..."


__________________
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11-03-2011, 11:59
Karen11048's Avatar
Karen11048 Karen11048 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 939
Default

EVER WONDER...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

__________________
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 11-03-2011, 12:29
Quisd's Avatar
Quisd Quisd is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 708
Default Smart ar*e

Two businessmen in Cardiff were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop...
As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked,
"What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a**e-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "Must be doing well... Only two left."

Pensioners - don't mess with them!!!!!!
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 11-03-2011, 18:03
dasboot dasboot is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Towyn North Wales..where the Brummies meet the Scousers.
Posts: 4,411
Default

The mother in law fell down a wishing well the other day.I never knew they really worked!
__________________
Semper in excretum sum sed alta variat.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 13-03-2011, 20:38
Bobsnobs Bobsnobs is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,131
Send a message via MSN to Bobsnobs Send a message via Skype™ to Bobsnobs
Default The Blond Flight Attendant

A new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into the bar and says " 6 Double Vodkas please "
The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
__________________
Bobsnobs
Mod Team
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 13-03-2011, 20:39
Bobsnobs Bobsnobs is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,131
Send a message via MSN to Bobsnobs Send a message via Skype™ to Bobsnobs
Default Blond Moment

A blonde wanted to sellher car, but couldn't find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car.
"235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000. Two days later the blond's friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"
__________________
Bobsnobs
Mod Team
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 14-03-2011, 16:03
Karen11048's Avatar
Karen11048 Karen11048 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 939
Default

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed.

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'

The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down

The next night there is standing room only in the pub.

Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.

The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman,

The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties...'

The rabbit looks aghast.

The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'

The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.

The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'

'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.

He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

-----
One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.

When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.

The barman says, 'Who are you?',

To which he is answered,

'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'

The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.

You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'

The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'

The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'

The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.

The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

'I DIED', said the rabbit.

'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'

After a short pause, the rabbit said...


'Mixin-me-toasties.'
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 18-03-2011, 20:57
Quisd's Avatar
Quisd Quisd is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 708
Default The junior paramedic

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.

The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a torch high over her mummy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.

Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry..

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about that she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded,

"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place....

smack his arse again!"
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 18-03-2011, 21:23
Billyboy Billyboy is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 40
Default

Sorry I only seem to know one liners and daft ones at that but they're clean enough for the little ones

How do you kill a circus?

Go for the Juggler

Whats orange and sounds like a Parrot?

A carrot

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh

sorry!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

West Coast Windows


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Merry Christmas Thread Happy New Year Thread Darren General Discussion 20 30-12-2015 11:05
re My thread michaelr1946 GoStatic Feedback 2 05-10-2014 17:34
Rules are a joke! Faymoore Entertainment 0 02-12-2011 14:21
do we or can we have a joke thread please. cornish rattler General Discussion 3 01-07-2011 17:39
the joke thread Tiamaria589 GoStatic Feedback 2 11-03-2011 07:15


All times are GMT. The time now is 13:59.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.